why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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