u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
