Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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