a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
