I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
