I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
