So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He did a backflip because drugs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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