I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
