Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
