Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
