To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
