i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
