yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
