pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
