In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
