I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Randomize
