hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
