he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
