girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
