I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
