u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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