sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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