I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
