At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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