I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
