either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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