Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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