??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
