Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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