Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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