Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
