dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
