Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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