i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
