There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
