all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
