she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
