so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
