Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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