thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
