I think i peed on brittanys purse
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
