I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
