Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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