Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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