1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
