the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
