i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
