I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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