great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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