before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
