fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
