its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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