Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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