well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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