Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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