I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
