I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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