He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
