Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
