What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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