Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
