Buhtt sex?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize