He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
