That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
