ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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